Written By: Barrister Bukola Omolona | African Women Lawyers’ Association, Lagos

Domestic violence has been defined by several authors and international organisations. Violence has many varied definitions depending on the definer and the situation in which it is defined. Violence connotes rough treatment, use of bodily force on others, especially unlawfully, to hurt or harm. It is also regarded as an act of human inflictions, deprivations and discrimination resulting in or likely to result in unlawful physical, sexual and psychological harm, suffering or deprivation. As a corollary, domestic violence is perceived as violence among members of a family, same household, clan etc. Thus, operationally, domestic violence connotes violence perpetrated and occasioned at home by known and identified individuals or groups. Domestic violence includes any aggressive behaviour or maltreatment among intimate partners which occur in the privacy of a home, family or clan.

Relating to domestic violence victims, most of the victims endure the trauma, abuse and violence meted to them by their spouse and perpetrator because of societal pressure. In Nigeria today, there is no social support system for single mothers or even a divorces, the society is harsh towards them. Nigerian society is harsh to women who have had reasons to get separated from their husband. Most abused women would prefer to stay in an abusive relationship and to have their needs and that of their children being satisfied than to seek the safety of her life and the resultant effect. The fear of what will people say bothers them as well as the label society will attach to them. A case in point is of one victim who suffers regular violence from her spouse who sees her as too young to have an opinion and must always submit to his bidding without questioning the rationale. Where she attempts to ask a question or make any suggestions, she is being beaten with a belt; the family of the husband supports him always because they only get to hear his side of the story and not has and her family tell her its only a phase that should be endured, and that it will soon pass by. Furthermore, violence takes different modus operandi, in another case, a young female adult got pregnant out of wedlock, plans to get the man to marry her but the proposed marriage never took place, a child is involved and then the man snatches the baby and he is nowhere to be found. The young lady is undergoing trauma for her child of three years old taken away from her suddenly and she has tried contacting the man’s family, who obviously did not cooperate with her rather they are in support of the boy their son. There are many cases of violence against women with less access to help. In the two mentioned cases above, the society had labelled as incompetent and women who cannot keep a home.

Lagos State as a case study has established ‘’Domestic and Sexual Violence Response Team’ this teamwork aggressively to a point that when a woman calls them with an allegation of being beaten or any form of violence has been meted against her, the team appears and where there is evidence of violence, the accused is immediately remanded in prison. This is a silver lining and we desire much more attention should be paid to this aspect as the culture of speaking out should be encouraged. Most women die in silence for want of stigmatization. The responsibility of eradicating this form of violence has largely been left in the hands of NGOs and civil societies, the government is beginning to get interested, and however, we have not seen enough action to help curtail violence against women. One of the leading voices in fighting against violence is the Restoration of the Dignity of womanhood. I must commend the president of this nongovernmental organisation as she has set her organization is not only rescuing the victims but to rehabilitating them through counselling sessions and subsequently empowering the victims. I am proud of the organisation as it is joining in building a nation with healthy women that have been restored from being battered.

In conclusion, women in abusive relationships should not keep silent; they should speak out and get help. The society should stop the stigmatization of domestic violence victims and women who suffer breakup in their relations, be a shoulder to lean on and not a person who turns her back on people. Importantly, the government should leave up to its responsibilities as they are responsible for the citizens’ general welfare. Also, the three arms of government should work together in promulgating the laws against violence, its enforcement and opportunity for the court to ensure compliance and monitoring. Social orientation on value to life especially, the dignity of the women should be set in motion and importantly we should see every woman as our mother, sister, friend and companion.